


What You Don't Tell

by Blue_Night



Series: The Pegasus Alliance [20]
Category: Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Anal Sex, Camping, Convergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, Ghosts of the Past - Freeform, Gift of Life, Interspecies Relationship(s), Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Rituals, Memories, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Sharing Life-Force, Talking issues, Telepathic Bond, coming to terms with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:15:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night
Summary: Direct sequel toWhat You Don't Fear, set in between chapter 15 and 16 of this part ofThe Pegasus Alliance.John and Todd have come to rescue Captain Drum and Marciano the Wraith from the planet where they'd been stuck for more than a week, and Cameron decides that it is about time for John to have a proper talk with his mate Todd. Before John even know what's happening to him, he finds himself sitting in the wilderness, having to come to terms with his long suppressed feelings and his shame and guilt about what he has done in the past and about his feelings for one of the former so hated enemies...





	1. Please, Talk to Me!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mariothellama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariothellama/gifts).



> My dearest mariothellama,
> 
> I don't know if this is what you wanted when you mentioned it in your lovely comment, and I really hope that it will be readable. There is a whole lot more talking than I intended them to have, and the topic they're talking about is a difficult and delicate one, but they did have to talk about their relationship and John's shame and guilt in the end. I know that this not your fandom and not your OTP at all, and I am sorry that I'm not able to write anything in your 'home' fandom for you.  
> This is my humble way of thanking you for all your amazing help and your wonderful friendship, I hope that you will enjoy reading this at least a little bit.  
> Thank you so much for everything you're doing for me, my dear. <33
> 
> My dear readers,  
> I had mused for a long time about letting John and Todd have such a talk and explore their complicated relationship a little bit further. The topic is surely difficult to say the least, I did my best to stay decent and write this part of my series in an appropriate way. <33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Todd spend a night alone on the planet where Erik and Marciano have waited to be rescued, and they start their first night alone together within months with a lot of talking - something John normally isn't really comfortable with...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to have less talking, but Todd was glad that he could finally get his frustration off his chest and make John open up to him, there will be some passionate moments between them in the next chapter...

The flames were blazing high, illuminating the chiseled alien features of the Wraith sitting opposite John, watching him silently from across the campfire with an unreadable face.

It had been such a long time since they had last spent a night alone on a deserted planet that John had a hard time to even remember it. It had actually been Mitchell's doing that John was stuck here now, conspiring with Todd and telling John that he wasn't needed on board the Stardust in a strict voice that didn't allow John to utter any sound of protest.

Cameron and Raven spent a few days alone on their favorite planet every month, taking their free time to renew their bond and give Raven the chance to live out his Wraith drives on a regular basis. Cameron needed to spend time on a planet to avoid getting sick because of the lack of daylight, but he mostly did that to let himself be hunted down by his mate, and this even though Raven's favorite past time was a rather dangerous game to play for his human consort sometimes – depending on the planet and the weather where they played it. The colonel with the deep blue eyes always put Raven's needs before his own, telling everyone wondering about that that he was happy when his Wraith was happy with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

John knew that it wasn't Todd's duties as the High Commander of thirteen Hives that kept his mate from doing the same with him, but only John's own reluctance to play this special game with his Wraith mate. Todd had hardly ever asked him to spend time with him on a planet where they would be alone and undisturbed so far, and John had only recently started to spend more time on board Todd's own Hive to reassure their crew that he valued and appreciated them. John was really trying hard to adjust to Wraith Hives and the silent and unnerving presence of their crew members, but he still felt uncomfortable and out of place there – opposite to his fellow colonel and friend. Cameron actually preferred to live among Wraith now, always happy when he could leave Atlantis and return to 'his' Wraith again. Needless to say that Todd and Raven's crew adored 'their' special human with all their hearts – feeling much closer to Raven's chosen consort than to the consort of their High Commander because of John's behavior.

But it was much easier for Cameron than it was for John because he had never experienced with Wraith what John had gone through during the first years he'd lived in the Pegasus Galaxy. The hunting game a loving Wraith mate loved to play with their chosen consort reminded John too much of the times he'd been hunted by hostile Wraith whose only goal had been to kill him and drain him dry, and of the life as a hunted runner his teammate and friend Ronon Dex had had to endure for more than seven years.

Apart from that, John's first encounter with Todd had started in the worst way possible with the ancient Commander feeding on him in Kolya's bunker, almost starved to death and crazy with the hunger burning inside every cell of his tortured body. Maybe it was these memories John simply couldn't forget - no matter how hard he tried to leave those things behind - that kept him from asking Todd to spend time alone with him on a planet, John couldn't quite tell.

The hazel-eyed colonel valued their alien allies highly, and he considered them true and faithful friends, but the only Wraith he felt really comfortable and at ease with was Todd – at least most of the time.

Sometimes even Todd's presence unsettled him, mostly when they were alone with each other and John had no place to run and hide – just like it was here and now – sitting here trapped on an unknown planet in the middle of thick forests, the darkness of the early night covering their surroundings like a smooth blanket. John knew better than leave the campfire and risk getting attacked by one of the kangaroo-bears lurking somewhere between the trees, the fire and Todd's Wraith-scent the only things that kept these predators away from their makeshift camp. This had of course been Mitchell's and Todd's plan when they had more or less thrown him out of the Stardust, and John pressed his lips to a thin line when he remembered his talk with his friend while he nibbled at a slice of roasted bread that served as a simple but surprisingly tasty dinner.

Two hours ago, Cameron had taken him to the side and looked at him.

 _“I want you to beam down on the planet and spend the night there together with Todd. I won't tell you that you have to get over your memories because I know that this isn't possible. I don't think that anybody other than Ronon can ever understand what you have been through, and I won't even try to do so. My own experience to be fed on was when I ordered Albert to feed on me, and it was under totally different circumstances and my own free choice to offer myself like that. But you have been trapped on board the Stardust for almost a week, and you haven't had the chance to be alone with your mate for more than two months.”_ The other colonel had raised his hand when John wanted to protest.

_“Spending a few hours in your quarters in Atlantis doesn't count here, John, and you know that. You're always online in Atlantis – wearing your radio literally day and night and having to fear that someone will knock at your door at any minute, never letting your guard down to simply enjoy the moment. I know that you won't take off your radio down there either, but it will yet be different when you're on the planet – far away enough from Captain Drum and Marciano, of course. Avoiding the situations you're not comfortable with won't solve the problem, you know. Besides, Todd really deserves better than that.”_

John had of course known that. Todd suppressed his Wraith nature far too often for John's sake, and the hazel-eyed colonel was honest enough to admit that. Therefore he hadn't protested but only nodded his head with gritted teeth and beamed down on the planet half an hour after his talk with Cameron, hoping that he would be able to keep his memories at bay when Todd hunted him through the wilderness.

His mate hadn't made any attempt to do that though, only asked him to take a walk with him and collect enough firewood for their camp. Todd was far more sensitive to his moods than John felt comfortable with, and his shoulders hurt from all the tension his discomfort caused as they sat there on their tree trunks, staring into the flames without speaking.

It was Todd who finally broke the heavy silence between them with a sigh, his voice carefully controlled but gentle when he started to speak. “I know that you have a hard time remembering the first night we have spent like this on an unknown planet, John. Please believe me when I tell you that I really wished that it would be otherwise – because for me it is actually a memory I can't help but cherish deeply.”

John wasn't ready to hear what Todd wanted to tell him, and he drew in a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but the ancient Commander raised his hand to keep him from protesting.

“I am more sorry for what I had to do to you in Kolya's prison than you will ever know, John. Ten years are such a short amount of time for a being that is a thousand times older, right? But they feel like an eternity when you are kept in a prison cell, tortured and bereft of your dignity and everything that defines you as a sentient and intelligent being. Kolya always made sure that I didn't die, but he kept me at the point of the death of starvation the entire time, ordering his guards to wake me up whenever I fell asleep. He wouldn't allow me to keep my mind occupied with anything useful, and he laughed when I was screaming in agony, telling me that I deserved everything he did to me just because I was Wraith.  
I have never killed any human being out of pleasure and cruelty, I have always only fed in order to survive. I have fought against the Ancients and other human races, but it was always to defend myself and my brethren. I have never considered humans as worthless and them being only food, I have always acknowledged them as sentient and intelligent beings who have the same right to live as we Wraith have. I was even willing to use the retro-virus on me and my crew to prove my good will to you, hoping that it would be the solution I had searched for for so long.  
It destroyed my Hive and nearly killed me as you know. The day we will find a solution for the feeding problem will be one of the happiest days in my life, please believe me, but I won't apologize for feeding when I have to feed in order not to die of starvation. I haven't chosen this way of life, it was the Ancients who created the Wraith because they wanted to have super warriors. I'm Wraith, but I am not cruel. Kolya on the other hand – human - enjoyed torturing and killing people for his own pleasure and his twisted sense of power.  
He tortured and killed humans and Wraith – making no difference between them - and he enjoyed watching me feed on his human prisoners and listening to their screams, tearing me away from them when he was sure that I would survive another couple of weeks, but never allowing me to quench the fire of hunger still raging and burning inside me. I'd given up every hope and resigned myself to my fate of losing the last shreds of my sanity and my humanity in his prison before you came, thinking that my death would actually be a real act of mercy.”

Todd paused, and John couldn't meet his eyes, the Wraith's words cutting right through him. The dark-haired colonel knew that most people not knowing the amazing race his mate belonged to would protest against Todd's choice of words, insisting that 'humanity' was a word no Wraith should be allowed to use it to describe themselves. But John had come to know this race very well over the last three years, especially the one special Wraith who was his mate now, and the Wraith of the Second Alliance had proved themselves to be more caring, faithful and honorable than most of the 'real' humans John had ever encountered were.

“Please look at me, John. I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel bad, only to make you understand how I feel about our first encounter. You know that I respect your boundaries, but it is about time that we finally talk about it.” Todd's voice was still calm and gentle, and John straightened his shoulders and looked up.

“Yes, I know, Todd. I know that you didn't enjoy it when you had to feed on my in Kolya's bunker. You were his prisoner as much as I was, you didn't have any chance not to do what he forced you to do. And why should you have wanted to spare me? You didn't know me back then, you were starved to death, crazy with hunger. You told me that the hunger of a Wraith burns like fire, and I guess that it feels similar to the agonizing pain I felt when you fed on me. You did what you did to survive and later to save both of us – even though I couldn't know that at this point - and I don't hold it against you that you fed on me in his prison and during our flight – not any longer at least.”

“Why is it so hard for you to talk to me then, John? Why can't you spend some time alone with me on a planet? I don't expect you to let yourself be hunted down by me like Cameron is doing it for Raven, I know that this is something you'd be extremely uncomfortable with. I don't even miss playing this game with you like I thought that I would at the beginning. Not to mention that I could never enjoy doing something there mere thought of it unsettles you so much. I'd just be grateful to have some undisturbed quality time with you once in a while, John – which is hardly possible in Atlantis. I'm making compromises for your sake all of the time, why can't you do the same for me now and then?” Todd wanted to know, his voice sounding hoarse now as he didn't try to hide his hurt from his consort any longer.

John swallowed, but he forced himself to meet Todd's questioning glance. “Because spending time with you on a planet always reminds me so much of what Kolya and the Genii did to you – especially when we're camping. It is easier for me during the day and when we're together with other people, but this here... you and me alone like we were back then on our flight from Kolya's prison... it makes me feel like choking. I am not the least better than Kolya, Todd. You know what I have done to Michael and to several other people of your kin. I started something terrible that affected an entire galaxy with my decision.  
You've heard what Marciano told us – I can't stop thinking about his words ever since Marciano told us his story. I am responsible for the experiments Michael tortured not only humans but also his own brethren with, and the memories of our first encounter are not painful because of what you've done to me, my mate, but because of what I have done to your brethren – especially to him. Sometimes, I wonder how you can even bear to look at me – let alone love me, Todd. Sometimes I hate myself so much for what I've done that I think that I will go insane over it.” John's voice was shallow and impassive because he feared that he would start to cry if he allowed his feelings to come to the surface, but he knew that Todd could sense and smell his self-loathing.

Todd rose to his feet with the amazing grace only Wraith possessed, circling the fire to sit down beside John on the tree trunk and take his hand in his own. John looked down at their entangled fingers, wondering briefly when the feeding hand of a Wraith had stopped to be something ugly, fearsome and hateful.

“It wasn't you alone who decided to use the retro-virus on Michael, John. It was your former leader Dr. Weir, it was Dr. Beckett and everyone else living in Atlantis who approved of these experiments as well. I know that you know that and that it doesn't console you or make your burden easier. But it's the truth. You're a soldier, the military commander of Atlantis, and my race was a lethal threat to you and your people. You didn't know us, and those of my brethren you encountered before we both met didn't give you the slightest chance to learn more about us. They attacked and killed your friends and your charges, and you did what you did in order to survive and to save Atlantis.  
And yet you were willing to offer an alliance to me, trusting me enough to work together with me when we fled from Kolya's bunker. You gave me back hope when I'd completely lost it, and you gave me the chance to breathe fresh air and see the moon and the stars again. You didn't kill me when you had the chance to kill me, you kept your word and you even let me go instead of taking me as your prisoner after our successful flight.  
Yes, what you did to Michael was terrible, and you'll always have to live with that guilt – just like I have to live with the knowledge that countless humans had to die because I wanted to live.  
I don't ask you to forget that, but I ask you not to let your guilt and shame eat you alive, John. I ask you to look forward and try to make a new start. Don't dwell in the past and deprive yourself of a real and happy future. Don't forget the past, but stop hating yourself for things you can't change anymore. We all need to learn from these events and try to make it better from now on. Your people love you, and they need you, John. I love and need you.”

Todd went silent, looking at John from the side. He didn't tell John oftentimes that he loved him, aware that his human consort wasn't good at talking about feelings, and that his mate did it now spoke volumes and proved to his consort that Todd was finally at the end of his tether because of John's inability to let go of the ghosts of the past.

John sat there motionless for a while, letting Todd's words sink into his mind, and he was grateful that his mate waited patiently for him to come to terms with his feelings and all the things he'd said.  
Todd's clawed thumb had started to stroke the back of his hand somewhere during his speech, and John carefully put the bread aside he'd forgotten to finish eating.

He turned his head to face his mate, his fingers trembling when he raised his arm to stroke Todd's smooth hairless Wraith skin. “I love you too, Todd.”

John felt ashamed that he couldn't say these words more often, that he had such problems to tell his mate how much he loved him. Todd had been 'his' Wraith from the moment on Todd had slammed his feeding hand into his chest for the first time, starved to death and crazy with the agonizing pain of his burning hunger. Their lives had interwoven in this moment, inseparably, and John had belonged to Todd from this fateful day on, no matter how hard he'd tried to deny the truth. He loved Todd with the same force he'd hated all Wraith before they had met in Kolya's prison, the iron bars between their stinking cells the only shield that had kept them from killing each other instantly.

Todd was Wraith, the enemy John had hated, condemned and despised for so long, and he had become the center of John's world only slowly and almost unnoticed. John had been so busied with telling Todd how much he hated him and that he would kill him with the next best opportunity that he'd only realized how much this special Wraith actually meant to him when it had almost been too late.

John was the one being in love with a Wraith longest of all human-Wraith-couples, and yet he still had so many problems with accepting his feelings. Cameron Mitchell, his second Evan Lorne, even Richard Woolsey, they all had found their own Wraith mates, being happy with them and loving them unquestioningly, accepting them the way they were without any doubt or regret.

It was about time that he finally started to do the same, that he finally got over his bad conscience that he loved one of his former most hated enemies. The people living in the Second Alliance needed and deserved it that their human military leader and their High Commander had a well working relationship, and John realized with dismay that he of all people had been the one struggling so obviously for everyone else to see with being the consort of a powerful Wraith.

The Second Alliance only existed because of Todd and him, but he had been the one human consort of a Wraith establishing such a bad example for so long – while all the others New Lanteans living in a relationship with a Wraith wore their marks openly and proudly without any sign of shame.

John had behaved like a coward, pulling the collar of his jacket over the red mark on his neck instead of proving all possible doubters wrong and show them that Wraith and humans could live together in peace and harmony and even love each other. He was determined to never behave like that in the future again from now on though, but to hold his head up high and not hide his feelings for his amazing mate any longer.

Even Captain Drum – who had just arrived in Atlantis a couple of weeks ago – wasn't afraid of loving a Wraith, defending his own beloved Wraith with claws and teeth when he thought that someone wanted to treat Marciano badly.

“I know that you love me, John, I really do,” Todd now said, “I only wished that you would eventually stop hating yourself so much for loving me.” His eyes shone dark-gold with his own deep love for John, and he didn't try to hide his feelings from his consort, letting John see all of his longing, hurt and vulnerability.

John felt his last tension drain away, and he gently cupped Todd's face with his hands, straddling him until he sat in his lap, their bodies pressed close together.

“I already have, my mate,” John whispered, capturing the Wraith's cool lips in a deep and passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be kind with me and my boys. <33


	2. Body and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Todd have had a long and important talk, and now they are renewing their bond with their bodies and their souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> I wanted to write and post this second chapter before Saturday, and I'm glad that I was able to do that. I had a bad day today, and this chapter is only briefly proof-read, I hope that there aren't too many mistakes and errors. I will answer to your wonderful comment on the first chapter asap and also try to read your new fic before the weekend. <33
> 
> My dear readers, thank you so much for your wonderful feedback on the first chapter, I hope that you will like the second chapter as well. <33

Todd's lips felt so perfect on his own, so smooth and tender and soft, warming quickly under John's ardent touch.

His mate opened his mouth eagerly for John's tongue, allowing the cheeky conqueror to claim anew what lay behind the soft gate his lips formed and the sharp translucent row of Wraith teeth. John groaned into their deep and passionate kiss, his desire for his mate clouding his mind with lust and raw need.

The last time they had been intimate had been shortly before their departure from the City of the Ancients, but for John it felt like a lifetime, even more because he could never really let go when they were making love in their quarters in Atlantis or on board Todd's flagship. Holding himself back and remaining as quiet as possible during their lovemaking had become John's second nature, and the hazel-eyed colonel fumbled for his radio with an impatient snarl, throwing it carelessly to the side.

He really didn't want to activate it by accident when he gave himself to his mate, and Todd's pleased throaty chuckle told him that his mate approved of his behavior. The sound tickled at John's tingling lips and vibrated against his chest, and John buried his hands in Todd's tousled mane and pulled him closer to drink his laughter from his lips. His tongue hurt where he had cut it on the razor-sharp teeth, but John didn't care about the slight ache and the blood he could taste on the tip, just deepening their kiss again to lick and tease his way around, enticing all the wonderful purring and growling sounds from his Wraith he longed to hear so badly.

Todd's radio soon followed its counterpart, lying forgotten before the tree trunk they were sitting upon, and John only drew back from his mate's lips to wriggle out of his jacket and make it easier for the Wraith to undress him with clever and deft fingers. John was back in Todd's lap the minute the last piece of clothing was ripped from his flushed body, his naked figure exposed to the hungry stare of glittering golden cat's eyes roaming ardently over his heated flesh. John's nipples hardened under the passionate scrutiny, and he grew to full length and hardness within seconds when Todd's glowing gaze dropped down to his groin with a low purring sound escaping Todd's throat.

His mate was still fully dressed while John was completely naked, and the colonel with the messy dark hair braced his knees against the hard tree trunk to lift himself up and pull Todd's black trousers and underwear over his backside. The hard Wraith cock sprang free, apparently happy to be freed from its tight prison, and John licked over his lips at the tempting sight, shivering in anticipation of the forthcoming things.

Todd made an attempt to shrug out of his long coat, but John shook his head. “Later, need to feel you!” he ground out, pushing against the Wraith to make him sit down again. Todd obeyed with a startled sound, the look on his face reminding John of the expression of someone who feared that they were only dreaming and would soon wake up from their wonderful dream just to find themselves back in harsh reality again.

John was grateful that his mate didn't try to take over control but let him do what he needed to do, and he pulled the heavy black glove from Todd's feeding hand and pressed his lips against his cool palm, a thin layer of enzyme already moistening the greenish skin around the slit.

Todd gasped out loudly, the noise of surprise ending in a strangled groan that almost sounded like a sob. They were together for more than three years by now, and they had slept with each other so many times, but John could easily count on two hands the few times he had willingly touched Todd's feeding hand during their intimate encounters. He had always accepted gladly the Gift of Life from his mate, but he had never allowed Todd to share life-force with him, never wanting Todd to act like the Wraith he actually was when they were in bed together. John had hardly ever caressed his feeding hand more than briefly and accidentally so far, and this even though John knew quite well that a Wraith's feeding hand was one of their most sensitive and erogenous spots. John was sure that he could make Todd come just from caressing his right hand and the feeding organ, but he had never been able to merely think of doing that until this night.

John could feel Todd's burning eyes on his face as he pressed his right hand against his lips, but he kept his own eyes closed, focusing on how Todd felt and tasted on his tongue. The enzyme left a tingling sensation on it, and it tasted much better than John had thought that it would, sweet and musky at the same time. His mate was pressing hard against his abs, and John dipped his tongue deeper into the pulsing slit of Todd's feeding organ, his left hand grabbing fistfuls of silvery strands because he needed something to hold on to. Pleasuring his beloved Wraith this way aroused John more than anything, and the hazel-eyed colonel lost himself in his doing, nibbling, stroking, kissing and licking Todd's palm until his mate shuddered beneath him with pure want.

“John...John...” Todd's multi-toned voice was raw and husky, and the Wraith raked his nails over John's back and his flanks, drawing heavy shivers from his human consort with his dangerous caresses. Wraith hands could harm and kill so easily, but they could also spend greatest pleasure and heal, and John dwelt in the knowledge that this special Wraith would never harm him, but always love and cherish him. Todd had never put his own needs before John's, and the colonel felt ashamed that he had been so selfish for so long, taking Todd's devotion and loving care for granted without wanting to give him something back in return.

John moaned against Todd's palm, stroking and teasing the feeding organ with his lips and his tongue until he had coaxed a generous amount of enzyme out of it. Todd's breathing was labored and raged by the time he drew back from his hand, John's hazel-green eyes dark and hooded with his desire for his mate as he searched for Todd's glittering gaze.

They looked at each other when John pushed Todd's hand between their bodies to coat the hard Wraith cock with the milky liquid, and his mate bared his teeth to a triumphant and predatory grin. “I saw you packing lube, Sheppard,” he rasped hoarsely, but John only lifted his chin up in defiance, shaking his head with an almost grim expression.

“I want it that way.” John lifted himself up using Todd's shoulders for support. The ancient Commander took John's hips in a tight grip, his eyes never leaving John's face when the colonel slowly lowered himself down on the impressive length of his mate. Wraith were larger in size and had ridges at the underside of their sex human men didn't possess, but John had taken him in often enough to know that he didn't need preparation if they were careful. His desire and their kisses had loosened him up more than enough, and John was already close, his need to feel Todd close erasing every coherent thought.

Todd was so hard and big, throbbing with his own desire and need, and John drew in a shaky breath, loving the feeling of how his mate stretched and filled him to his very limits. His sensitive walls clenched around the tender intruder, eager to swallow the Wraith cock deeper and deeper, and John's world shrank to the small clearing and the hard tree trunk where they were sitting, Todd's heavy coat protecting his mate from the rough bark. Wraith skin was hard to damage, but still.

Todd growled when John pushed down too fast, his iron grip forcing him to still his movements. John snarled angrily, tearing Todd's feeding hand away from his hip to press it against his chest instead. The Wraith's long clawed fingers flexed involuntarily when the soft hairs on John's chest tickled his palm, more enzyme dripping out of the slit.

“I want you to share life-force with me. I want you to be all Wraith tonight!” John snarled, hardly recognizing his own voice. Todd's roar echoed in the cool night air, the flickering glow of the campfire illuminating Todd's alien male face. John's breath hitched in his throat at the sight, and his mate had never looked more beautiful and more impressive to him, a wild and untamed creature of the night that could spread fear and horror and yet be so tender and loving. Wraith could kill and give life with their hands at the same time - use it as a lethal weapon or to heal - and John pressed Todd's hand hard against his sternum when the other male didn't move, only looked at him with his golden eyes, obviously fearing that he'd understood something wrong.

“I want it, Todd, I want it all tonight. Show me how it feels to be loved by a Wraith!” the hazel-eyed colonel demanded, and Todd hissed and finally bit down with the stinger normally hidden in his palm, hot pleasure rushing into John's convulsing body. The hard grip around John's left hipbone didn't allow him to move, sharp claws digging into his skin warning him to keep still. John's knees hurt where the rough bark of the tree trunk scraped his skin, but the stinging pain intermingled with the hot sensation of too much energy surging through his veins all at once, and John threw his head back and cried out loudly, unable to keep his screams of need inside any longer.

Todd had only waited for him to expose his neck and give him access to his throat, sinking his sharp teeth into John's vulnerable flesh right where his pulse was racing under the fragrant skin, sucking triumphantly at the fading mark on his consort's neck.

John shivered and shuddered, his hips jerking with all the sensations battering his nerves at the same time, and he cried out again when Todd reversed the process for the first time, pulling eagerly at John's delicious strength. John tensed up for the blink of an eye, but the steady and gentle sucking didn't resemble the agony of being fed on John still remembered so well only the slightest, but hurt in a real good way.

His life flowed out of him in a smooth wave, the sweet ache intermingling with the burning pleasure in his groin. John's neglected cock throbbed and twitched against the silk-like fabric of Todd's black shirt, smearing creamy-white droplets of precome all over it. The dark-haired colonel could feel the pressure of an incredible orgasm build at the end of his spine, and he tried to move up and down on the hard shaft, but Todd pressed him down with a low warning growl, and the pulsing of the large Wraith cock against his sweet spot was enough to push John towards the edge.

Todd sucked harder at his skin when he felt John getting close, pushing back into his body what he had just taken. Precious life flowed through every fiber of his being, and John came so hard between their bodies that his vision went white. He was vaguely aware of his harsh scream of satisfaction and ecstasy as he exploded on the spot, spurting his release all over himself and Todd's black shirt.

The Wraith growled, snarled and hissed against his neck when John pulled roughly at his hair to press his mouth closer against his neck. Todd sucked him through his high, pure energy coursing through both of them where Todd's hand was still connected with his sternum. John feared that he would black out from the sheer force of his climax, his world exploding again and again with every new wave of pleasure that spilled from him.

“Mine, human, you're mine!” Todd had never sounded so possessive and raw, even not when he had possessed John for the very first time. He licked up the red drops of John's claret from his pale skin, soothing the throbbing bite mark with tender licks.

“Yours,” whispered John when he slumped against Todd's tall frame trying to catch his breath, his mind spinning and his body humming with satisfaction and life.

Todd hadn't come together with him, he was still hard and pulsing inside John's hot channel, and the inhuman Wraith strength came in handy when Todd stood up with John in his arms, carrying him over to their sleeping bags as if his consort weighed nothing. John wrapped his arms and legs around him, not willing to let his mate slip out of him, and he pulled impatiently at Todd's coat when they reached the place where they had left their makeshift beds. His mate chuckled and shrugged out of it, lowering John down onto his sleeping bag. It took them some time to liberate Todd from the rest of his clothes without losing their connection, and both heaved a relieved sigh when the offending garments were finally out of the way.

“You're mine, John Sheppard,” Todd purred, staring down on him with glittering eyes. He looked like an ancient warrior to him, his thick mane falling untamed over his shoulders in tousled waves, his greenish skin shimmering in the red-golden light of the campfire. John traced the black lines of Todd's various tattoos with his fingers, dragging his own short nails over Todd's broad chest. Male Wraith didn't have real nipples, only tiny dark spots on top of their breast muscles, and John felt fascinated once again by Todd's breathtaking alien male beauty.

“Show me that I'm yours, Wraith. Fuck me hard and don't hold back!” the dark-haired colonel demanded, growing hard again when Todd's cock twitched inside him. His chest was sticky from the enzyme and his abdomen sticky from his own release, but John didn't care about it, he just wrapped his legs around Todd's slim waist again and pushed his hips up to meet the Wraith's powerful thrusts.

Todd stared down at him, bracing his hands against the sleeping back at each side of John's head as he chased his own release with wanton abandon. The ridges on his cock stimulated John's walls in the most pleasurable ways, and he clenched around Todd's hard length to feel him deeper and make sure that his mate would find complete satisfaction. Todd's thrusts shoved him back and forth on the sleeping bag, and John wrapped his hand around his own leaking erection, stroking it in time to their movements. He had hardly ever done that when they had slept with each other, but John knew that Todd had secretly longed to watch him doing that for a rather long time, and he exposed himself to his mate's hungry gaze, smiling up at him with shining eyes.

“Love you, my mate, I need you.” It was a relief to say these words without having a bad conscience and feeling the pang of regret he'd felt for so long for loving one of the lethal enemies, and John repeated his love confession just because of the sheer joy to hear himself admitting his love for Todd aloud.

“Love you so, Todd, I'm so sorry that I needed so long to accept the truth.”

Todd bent down, and his tender and passionate kiss assured the colonel that he didn't need to be sorry for anything. “Don't be, John. I know how hard it was for you, believe me. Just look forward and allow yourself to be loved and to be happy. We can't change the past, but we can help making the Pegasus Galaxy a good place to live in.”

“Yes, we can do that, and I will,” John promised, returning the kiss with the same passion his mate felt for him. He moaned ardently when Todd pressed his hand against his sternum again, finally being Wraith without holding himself back and trying to be human for John's sake. The delicious ache of his life-force flowing into Todd's hand boosted the pleasure coursing through John's veins to incredible heights, and the Wraith hitting his sweet spot with every push in made John cry out into their kiss.

“Bond with me, Todd, make us one!”

John didn't need to ask his mate twice, and he opened his mind for Todd when the Wraith touched his thoughts, his love, tenderness and passion filling John's soul and his heart. They didn't need words to understand each other, not any longer. All they needed was their strong bond and their love to know that they would never be alone again, never feel lonely again. He could feel Todd everywhere inside him, thrusting passionately into his body and reaching down to the very core and essence of his being, but it didn't scare John any longer.

Quite the opposite, John welcomed his Wraith in his body and his mind with joy and gratitude, their emotions completely in sync like their bodies were.

Todd came first, roaring in ecstasy when he pumped his seed deep into John's quivering channel, and the ecstasy he felt became John's ecstasy, pushing him over the edge for a second time. They shuddered through the throes of passion together, John's pleasure spilling hot and wet over his fingers. Todd drew back from his lips to gently suck at his neck again when it was over, his feeding hand still trapped between their heaving chests.

John took it to lick up the enzyme and dab tender kisses all over Todd's palm, kisses of sorrow, regret and sorry that he had needed so long to accept his mate as the amazing and wonderful Wraith he was.

“Love you, Todd.”

“I love you too, John, more than life itself.” Todd smiled at him, and John snuggled close against him when the Wraith turned them around until they lay comfortably on their sides nestled against each other. The campfire had burnt down while they had made love, but John didn't feel the cold, and he raised his head from Todd's shoulder to look at him.

Todd stared up into the dark sky, his features soft and unguarded as he followed the moon with his gaze, and John knew that he was thinking back of the night when he'd seen the moon again for the first time after ten horrible years, years of starvation, agony and torture. Todd had loosened their deep mental connection a bit, but their minds were still connected, and John listened inwardly to the emotions he could feel coming from his mate.

Melancholy, gratitude, sadness, joy, pain, love and hope intermingled with John's own feelings, and he searched for Todd's right hand again, interlacing their fingers and pressing a tender kiss onto the feeding slit. Todd pulled him close and kissed him on his forehead, and John pillowed his head on his shoulder again, looking up at the starry sky as well.

They lay like this for a while, neither of them speaking, but they didn't need spoken words to know what the other one was feeling any longer. John opened his mind for his mate again, sharing Todd's memories of their first night together under the moon, finally understanding what this memory meant to his mate and being able to see and feel the beauty of this for Todd so special moment.

“Thank you for waiting for so long, Todd. Thank you for waiting so patiently until I was ready for this. Thank you for loving me so much. I'm not the consort you deserved to have. I'm not like Cam or Evan, I will never be at ease on board a Hive like they are.”

“You're welcome, John. Please don't ever think that you've failed me in any way. I don't want you to change, I love you the way you are. I don't expect you to be like Cameron or Evan, I just want you to be John. All I'm asking from you is that you will finally stop punishing and hating yourself for the things that happened in the past. That you will finally focus on the here and now and our future.”

“I think I can do that, my mate – with your help.” John said, kissing Todd tenderly on his lips. “I can't promise you that I will change overnight. I can't promise you that I will suddenly start to talk about my feelings at every opportunity, and I will still need time to feel comfortable on board a Hive and among so many Wraith. But I can promise you that I will never be ashamed of our love and our relationship again, Todd. I will wear your mark openly and proudly, and I will never hate myself for loving you again.”

“That's a promising start, my beloved consort,” the Wraith rumbled, stroking John's stubbly cheek with a tender claw. “You will have all the time you need, John – that's what I promise you.”

“Thank you, Todd.” John smiled at him, his smile turning into a heartfelt yawn. “I could do with a nap, what about you, my mate?”

Todd returned his smile, shaking his head. “Just go to sleep, my consort. I will watch the sky and the moon for a while longer. Sleep well, John.”

“Happy watching, Todd,” John said closing his eyes, feeling safe and warm in the tender embrace of his Wraith, happy to add another memory about spending a night together with Todd under the moonlight to the memories he already shared with his mate.

Cameron would beam them back on board the Stardust in a couple of hours, see the deep red mark on John's neck and grin knowingly, but John wasn't afraid of Cam's reaction any longer. On the contrary, John was looking forward to finally be able to explore his feelings for his amazing mate further and show and tell Todd how much he loved him.

The future lay ahead of them, a bright future full of hope and love, and John would make the best out of it, together with his beloved mate Todd and all his human and Wraith friends from the Second Alliance.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't be silent readers but leave kudos and comments if you liked this story, your kind feedback is what I need to keep writing and posting for you! <33


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